I Prefer To Be Myself. Thanks.

LISTEN UP EVERYBODY! This is your sign that it is 100% to be you and follow your instincts to find your happiness! Follow YOUR dreams, find the profession YOU want to do, adorn your body the way YOU want. Full stop. Life is too short to follow the demands and expectations of other people. I finally made the decision to create a life that works for me. I may seem like a failure to some people and like I’m not living up to my potential, but I am happy and finally in a place where I can set up my future intentionally and only include things that fit my lifestyle. I have always been an artsy fartsy, march to the beat of my own drum person, and pushing myself to fit the mold of a structured life and was stifling.

I had just graduated with my Master’s, gotten married, and secured a great job teaching music. So much pressure over the course of 4 years to meet an incredible amount of other people’s expectations. The greatest amount of anxiety came from the 2 years of teaching. My first year, I was great. I had great lessons, connected with the students and had my both of my principals tell me that the concerts I produced were the BEST they have ever had. At that time I was conducting middle and high school band, and was told that they have never heard young students sound so amazing. I was on the top of my game and surpassing all types of expectations.

Being so “amazing” and meeting other people’s standards did not feel amazing. I was constantly having panic attacks, intrusive thoughts and worse, and was worrying about not being perfect and letting everyone down. I had set such high standards regarding, my character, and productivity, that I was losing myself and losing my sanity. At home I was a wreck and constantly yelling and snipping at my husband because of the energy lost during the day being the perfect teacher. I was literally acting for 10 hours a day and just couldn’t do it anymore. I never got to help my parents, see friends, hang out with my husband, do projects, create music, read, do art, garden, NOTHING. I felt like I was failing at life, but everyone else was soooo proud. I decided this was the perfect time to be me! I know myself. I know what works best for me, I know what I like, and I know how I can be successful. I wish I would have done this sooner! I am living life on my terms in regards to what I value as successful.

You should let go of all the expectations placed on you by society, your family, and your career to find what works for you. It is NOT selfish as long as you are fulfilling your responsibilities. If you are experiencing mental distress because of all the expectations that are not jiving with your sense of self- leave. Make your own way. Be your own person. Put your needs first. I promise you will figure it out. Do it. Do it do it do it. Do what your heart has been aching for. Everyone else will adjust.

Choose your profession because it’s what you want, wear the clothes you want, adorn your body with all the art you want. Spend your money on experiences and items that fill you with happiness, continue your hobbies, no matter how weird. Some people will love you for your self expression, some will not understand you, and some will downright hate you for who you are. It doesn’t matter what they think, only what makes you happy.